
pandora john william waterhouse 1896
v. bitterness powdered and pressed into black obsidian; an outstretched hand, helping another step off the gallows; to vindicate.
we kill each other then we update our charts
watch our stocks tumble deep into the red
paw around, vengeful
clamor to short, to break bloody even
we kill each other, thumb lazily through the chapters our books share
find we all agree too strongly on 'home;' it simply cannot stand
so we put bombs in a few playpens
roll grenades into particular cul-de-sacs
we kill each other, slowly sometimes
make our rulebooks into beartraps that snare bodies behind chain link fencing
clear our throats and spit
toe around in the dirt to busy ourselves while we wait
we kill each other and shrug
S.W.A.T. our worries away - today, there are more pressing matters
but still hinge at the waist when the killing comes for us
bullets peppering paper mâchéd hallways
dumbfounded
at the furrowed brows
our neighbors' pursed lips
the sight of our own reflection
written following the publication of the chart below, New York Times, Oct-08-23 written following the death of thousands of people written following the death of the first of thousands of people written following the death of the latest of thousands of people

i remember the air was balmy before we knew him.
desperate for a breeze we'd throw open every window -
dance, sweaty and barefoot, on an oak floor decades our senior.
something powerful and ancient came screaming out when we gathered:
chanting songs that reminded us of being young (chart toppers from three summers ago)
throwing our arms up, out, around each other (the joy was too big to hold on our own)
innocence sloshing rhythmically 'round the rims of our cups (three girlish grins colluding with six batting eyelashes to escape the consequence of some small town barkeep;
"my sir, i've no idea! that pink lemonade really got mixed
up with the wrong crowd!")
it was so hard to notice at first -
you, adultily checking the weather each day,
to help decide whether it'd be cold without a jacket, when to leave to beat the rain.
the world spun slowly on an axis of frilly distractions:
for us - a creaky maple porch swing and worn dive bar jukeboxes and whirling around the front lawn with boys,
for you - the weatherman, who had you lagging behind to apply sunscreen, to fiddle with your thermostat until it was just right.
as the air cooled around us, between us,
the checks kept piling up.
bit by bit, you transformed beneath his radar.
whether to wear that outfit, what activities would be appropriate to do;
the whetherman guided your when, your what, your wear.
snow fell.
you bundled up.
our toes froze stubbornly in high heels.
it grew so bad near Christmas we tore up the floorboards, "to keep it warm in here" he said.
each taking shifts to silently stoke the open flames,
our planks of red oak burning to a bright cherry, a blackened mahogany,
ash.
dawn broke.
you stood to fill the glasses, a muscle-memory intimacy interrupted by a brow furrow -
our lemonade was suddenly plain.
the last stubborn embers crackled television static through the stillness.
i looked up at the funeral pyre in the middle of our living room
and suddenly understood the term "meteorologist."
he'd collided into the group of us
and blown everything recognizable to pieces.
interj. the ability to watch oneself purposefully begin what we know must worsen before it betters; a choice against our immediate interests, stark against the shadow of Nature (used especially when looking down at the odds and laughing)

in hindsight,
almost none of the words i wrote during him were beautiful.
i think of him as an eclipse
as some suspension of time where
(arrogant in his impenetrability,
preoccupied by his victory,
basking in the surety of my retention even as i flared from every edge)
he forgot:
even stifled, warmth can be sensed.
light seeks light.
impermanent by definition,
his incredulousness was delicious as his last sliver slipped back into the blackness -
as he began to wane
as i broke
as i rose
all of the resentment is gone.
trickled out the holes in my heart
shaped
colander,
the one sitting silent now in my mothers sink,
leaving only air-dried, starchy, sticky love
the kind that
stands up on it’s own
has a bit of back
bone,
the kind that’s
known
around town, eyes that meet, hat tips;
the kind that
brims.